Bullshit. I know you're watching The Dog Whisperer
That Cesar Milan is captivating
sometime during the course of last night, i decided to get donuts for this morning. i'm a fucking genius when i smoke.
Im a photoshop master, i successfully reduced the size of the pupils of all the girls I made out last night with to prove they were not that drunk. So glad the camera goes home with me.
Drinking in an igloo changes everything.
I just gave head in the laundry room on campus. He said it was one of the best moments in all of history. Take that, neil armstrong.
I woke up this morning and saw that I had transferred $0.75 from my savings account to my checking account.
I was mid-pee and he walked in, claimed he was looking for his phone, and then asked if we could hook up since we were finally alone.
so yall hooked up?
At what point are you a chubby chaser or just desperate for sex?
walking on campus just saw the exact moment some kids life got ruined
he's on the phone and just starts going "FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCKKKKK", then follows it with "Are you sure your pregnant?"... made my day
Yessssssssss. I got taped to a couch last night apparently. I also thought i was close to scoring after talking to some chick about hard boiled eggs
Haha yeah my head's fine..sorry about the dent in your fridge.
Hired a new intern today and we have something in common. I blew her boyfriend in high school. Do you think she knows?
I didn't tell that thing I wasn't coming over. Whoops
You know you haven't dated in a while when you call boys "that thing" and call dates "a boy type thing."
I don't need tinder boy anymore but I do need free sushi
It'd be good to change things up a bit, right now the only public service I'm doing from my apt is hanging out in my underwear with the lights on.
Randomize
