Black out sex on the trampoline? yes please.
I think I might.. possibly.. like a Justin Bieber song.
I think you might... possibly... have sprouted a vagina.
I was high enough to think that mac-n-cheese w/ ketchup, tortilla chips w/ ketchup, and milk was a fancy dinner
All I know is that if a letter starts with "I'm aware you jerked off in the bathroom last night," I don't want to finish reading it.
Mark my words im gonna be the drunkest groomsman outta spite for him having his wedding on a gameday
I accidently showed a girl my balls already today. Made me think of you.
Meghan got a job at the bar. We're now morally obligated to drink. Is this what dreams are made of?
If anyone wants to ring in the new year with gluttony and yoga pants, let me know. As soon as it becomes a socially acceptable hour to drink margaritas, I'm gonna go down on a chimichanga.
Your ability to whip out your dick and take a pic anytime I text you is startling.
Bouncer came into the bathrooms to tell us the old one-person-per-stall rule, realised it was two girls banging, and left us to it. Lesbiperks.
We can get drunk and battle coyotes
The appetizer at the dinner I went to tonight was Klonopin and a Bloody Mary.
It's just not St. Patrick's Day until someone pukes on your panties.
I used my mad pharmacist skills to turn ordinary birth control into morning after. I think my professors would be proud.
Nice classy night out before we roll our faces off
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