If I don't wake up snuggled up to 14 ice cream sandwiches, my life is incomplete.
i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
He's at the gym. He likes to get high and swim cause it makes him feel like a fish.
I was in holding with a guy that got a DUI on a hover round. He was so nice. We're hanging out tonight.
The story about him having a girlfriend changed real fast when he found out that I was a gymnast
He hid IN a snowbank for 2 hours waiting for me to come home. This game has to stop before someone dies.
There is no way I'm taking advice from somone who's idea of a balanced diet consists of vodka and lemon detox juice
I really can't get over how proud I am of all us getting laid at the same time in the same apartment
We're looking for the removeable roof from her Miata. Winner gets a 40.
I got a blowjob dressed with a t shirt sweatpants and a Fanny pack. Not kidding.
Visibly drunk girl eating alone at a souplantation just spilled salad all over her body. It was me
I survive off of bourbon and the tears of others only
Sigh. I'll find the right guy one day.
Prince charming is right around the corner and will be freaky as shit!
When I was sick she came over with Call of Duty, animal crackers and a handjob. Honor says I can't dump her until Easter
She grinded so hard on my face that I've got rugburn on both eyelids
Randomize
