we have officially lost it.
I just want to sing "highway to the danger zone" when I'm taking his pants off.
There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
im using old socks as coasters. im going to make a great housewife.
Did you ever feel like going into a planned parenthood and performing an abortion in front of them?
Umm..who the fuck is this?
Oh shit
The streak lives on, still havent been to Towson without throwing up
Is it wrong that im more embaressed about the karoke than the toplessness?
I'm not a creep or anything, just a lost soul looking for a good lay
I think I reached optimum potential when I summersaulted straight into a kiddie pool.
No, earlier you attempted Jenga with everyones shoes.
I woke up to a gnawing sound in the middle of the night and asked him what it was. He told me it was the family of squirrels that lives in the wall and to go back to sleep.
there is no amount of schooling that prepares you for when your morbidly obese 45 year old patient tells you she has her clit pierced.
Never ever ever ever ever ever give your number to a 30 year old at buffalo wild wings. Ever ever ever.
Did copperhead road at the bar. All the girl next to me did was stare at my glorious bouncing tits. CAN I FUCKING HELP YOU?? I worked hard for these tits.
Have you ever thrown up in the middle of your hair appointment? Cause I have..
I swear I only fuck him for the huge bottle of smart water he gives me afterwards.
Randomize
