No jewlry, no bra, and no pen. I couldnt be more prepared for a friday morning class.
you would not believe what I got pierced last night...
son, I feel like that is a phrase a father never wants to hear.
we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.
If shame burned calories, I'll be back to my birth weight by the end of this weekend.
I just want you to know that we eye fucked the shit out of someone who just got drafted
Yo I found your batman costume.... It was in my pool with a shitload of beer cans
And by go well you mean everyone's hammered right?
Yupp. And someone's bleeding
Life isn't about who you kiss, drunk, at midnight. It's who you text nonsense to, sober, from the toilet.
cops woke me up on the sidewalk and asked where my shoes are.. fuck if i know, im sleeping on the sidewalk! actually i didnt say that, i just cried until they gave me a ride home.
my parents have to start far too many of our conversations with the sentence "this is an observation, not a judgment" than I'm proud of
He fed us edamame like baby birds. Slowly all coming back to me.
i just want a position where we can lock up like some sort of sexual megatron and go the whole night that way
i woke up at 4 pm face down on my hardwood living room floor. i would say its a new low but i think I found my new napping spot
You're an independent woman who is defined by her own actions and not by whether or not you have a man. You also have great tits.
He bought me pizza and bourbon and played scrabble with me. So naturally I slept with him.
Randomize
