Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
It's so hard to take my boss as an authorative figure with her New Moon movie tickets taped to her wall
yea i guess its safe to say fire extinguishers are not synonymous with whip cream cans
I was hitting on her while she was puking ... yeah i was pretty drunk
I know i'm the slutty cousin, but be honest. have you ever got your nose ring caught on a guy's zipper?
It's Christmas week. I wouldn't know what to do if i wasn't hung over.
I was to drunk to walk in jimmy john's so I called and got a pickle delivered to me outside the bar , too much?
Standing on the street at 6am in Hong Kong drinking beer. Watching all the hookers do the walk of shame from our hotel. How did I get here? Maybe all my bad choices in my life were really good ones?
I just told him that with every paper, I'd take a picture of myself with one less piece of clothing. Who say's I can't be a tutor?
and that my friend is why you dont go in for an eye exam and drop 250 dollars on a pair of glasses after smoking a blunt
Well his dad was his wingman, so I had to fuck him. I didnt want his dad to think that he was doing a bad job and I was drunk enough to think he was doing a good job.
Score one for dad.
Dude, just found out there's a monster in a video game named after me. No more dating nerds.
he told me to take care of him and then he asked me to walk him to his hotel. I already have a pussy. I don't need another one
she has that "i will punish you like your mom did" vibe, i think guys like that.
With a butt like mine I'll never have to pay for Netflix again.
Randomize
