So i'm in mason getting an ultrasound.. and there are a bunch of hicks in here with their wild ass children and this one young mom yells at her kid "harley sit!"
You should introduce yourself as garth. As in garth brooks.
what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
My farts smell like St. Pauli Girl. Last night was too much for a Monday.
Pretending to care about her feelings is becoming a full time job
Either way I should probably pregame on the plane
Washing the last semen-stained shirt you have really solidifies a breakup. It just got real.
Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
He said he wanted to have kids with me so they could grow up to be professional linebackers. Not. A. Complient.
I just sneezed and it made my entire body ache. Hungover is an understatement
Because you stood over the Ice luge screaming STONE COLD and poured beer on everyone
I just want to be able to run around naked and eat grass with no judgments and have people feed me and expect me to sleep all the time.
I did a trust fall off the bar and then almost got into a knife fight over a push up competition. Just another Tuesday.
he force fed me pizza, ripped my clothes off, almost broke the couch, and actually broke my nose. it was a good night, i'd say 😂
You went into my bathroom put on my bathrobe.. Said excuse me then went in my front yard and started yelling who ate my whopper..
You know your life has gone off the rails when waking up in a Spanish hospital with alcohol poisoning and no memory of how you got there is not even your top wildest drinking story.
Randomize
