it's just weird having a massive boner in the morning when you could have used it the night before.
First time i ever had an awkward silence during sex.
you went around grabbing cigarettes out of peoples mouths and claiming you were curing cancer.
It took him longer to remove his skinny jeans than it did for him to finish. I didn't even have time to realize it sucked until it was already over.
I thought about donating plasma but thats not the way i want to find out that i have aids
I wish I could attach your penis to someone I like more than you.
Made fish tank punch. It's like trash can punch but in a fish tank. Also, my dad saw a picture I uploaded on Facebook and called me a pussy for only making 10 gallons.
He paid me $20 to swallow a baggie of glitter, which turned out to be the best decision I've ever made. My vomit has never been prettier.
Do you remember some guy walking around the club saying "boner patrol" and smacking people in the dick?
Yeah, that was you
After some trial and error I found soaking my balls in maple syurip helps ease the pain.
I think we should go through the tsa checkpoint with raging hardons when we go through LAX. I think we should pass out some viagra to everyone
My legs r really sober for running now
I don't think that's how sobriety works.
I'm surprised I don't have a permanent face imprint between my boobs.
so i woke up at six am and his bathroom was flooded. i think i fucked shit up in my sleep.
she's always on high-alert for lesbians
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