I hate thxgiving break now because that totally means I'm not able to have sex for a week.
stranger just walked up to the fridge at the party, took the hawaiin punch out, drank it straight from the bottle, looked at everyone who stared in awe and said "im fucking thirsty" and put it back.
You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
The cops walked in to class and arrested 2 guys for possession.
It took him three days to realize his roommate had moved out.
He told me "it wants a kiss" WHY HAS THIS HAPPENED WITH 2 DIFFERENT PEOPLE.
porn backed up onto portable hard disk, laptop charged, battery backup in place, two cases beer, handle of vodka, poptarts and beef jerky --- bring it sandy.
Like theyre better than no shoes. I'm sitting her balls naked playing xbox in nothing but crocs with the fur
Start warming up your vocal cords, because Fucking With The Windows Open season has arrived.
Dude, that was like bongs ago.
My arrest report says I was found in midtown "performing lewd and lascivious acts on top of art meant for public display and enjoyment".
We peed together in a dark alley while holding hands. That is a bond that can never be broken.
Why am I not blowing coke off your ass at my apartment?
If only he'd realize the fondness I have for his genitals.
Drunk. Come get me. Out front blue shirt.
Where are you? And you borrowed my shirt. I know what you're wearing. How wasted are you?
Hotel
WHICH HOTEL??
Randomize
