some old guy just shit himself in my section. everyones leaving
I need to take "lollipop" off of every single one of my playlists cause it makes me wanna suck dick.
Paddidles count extra in the back of a cop car
So I missed her say 'don't' before 'come in me'. She felt what was happening and freaked - which actually made the moment 100x better.
I woke up from my nap, looked out my window, and saw about bout 6 people get tasered in less than 20 seconds.....could someone please tell me what's going on.
I'd love to sympathize with you but I'm drunk in a mansion
I may or may not be negotiating a deal of baked goods for socks...keep you posted
He bought segways. We ride them when we get drunk. Last night he ran through the sliding glass door.
If you're not peeing in public bi-monthly, you're not really living.
New drinking game: Drink while you Drink. I'll explain the rules when I see you, needless to say, it's not difficult. Unless you enjoy sobriety, humanity and life. Bestest.
I have invented a new game to play on campus. It's called "Mormons or Pledges?" It's fantastic.
The pee I just pissed was about 7% better than the one at your house. But both are pretty far up there.
Wtf is this place? I don't see any alcohol and I feel like we were supposed to bring our own strippers.
Chick in the kitchen making breakfast.. Yours or mine?
You should not be involved with someone who smells like that. Because that smell seriously does not go away. Even if you can't actually smell it at any given point, it will still haunt you
Randomize
