Saw a dead body on the way to the casino. I think that's a good sign.
My cock was attacked by outdoor plants
so i gave him head in the movie theater last night. thought we were alone til I heard the clapping from the other side of the theater after he'd finished.
Kinda wish I banged him. I need the exercise.
Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
i can't understand anything he's saying. But he spells alcohol right everytime so i deciphered it.
Hi, this is a test of the morning after apology broadcast system. If you're receiving this pre-recorded message there is a high probability I was a dickwad to you in the past 24 hours. You have my utmost and sincere apologies. Also if you have my wallet, house key, left converse, or lighter, give them/it back
The last thing I remember was naked hot tub and taking a shot and using the hot tub water as a chaser. Not acceptable.
Well I mean I HAD done a pretty good job of not pooping myself through the years
Just a little. Like do I say "hey I'm the girl that's fucking your son, nice to meet you"
He makes furniture for a living and is basically a hot, younger Ron Swanson
Bitch how dare you drink my dos equis
She actually made an event on facebook for tomorrow when she does a pregnancy test, 8 people are attenting so far
You left your phone here
Wait...
I'm a freaking penguin. one mate for life, and really awkward at parties
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