She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
curled up in a ball on my bed listening to my "cuddle with a boy" playlist. prettty high.
Don't be alarmed at the kitchen mess. I had to shoot the fire extinguisher on the toaster oven, one quick blast. It was a matter of safe over sorry.
Eredayimstrugglin ..Can we talk about the fact that I just typed "er" and it autocorrected to that. Fuck my life.
Hit on in the middle of a Wal-Mart McDonald's by a really awkward nerd. There is not enough nope in the world.
I've decided that I'm okay with you getting a goat. I have to get over my completely rational fear of goats somehow.
you were caressing the jar of pickles then you looked down and whispered to them "I want you inside me"
My brother walked up to us as we were making out and was like "hey man, go to town!" and winked
Going to put that on my resume. "Only accidentally snapchatted my titties to all of my friends once."
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
And then before we had sex he was quoting space jam to me
Hypothetically speaking...if I was arrested in Wisconsin, say Kenosha county, would you post my bail all the way from Oregon? If yes, will you also accept my collect call in t-minus 13 hours?
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
Just convinced the cute guy from class that I have prostate cancer. GET ME OUT OF THIS TOWN!
I forget, are we banging TA’s for grades this semester or not?
Depends on how cute he is
Randomize