I am waking up at 7am to go to church with him and his family... I better get eaten out tonight.
dude, seriously he just sucked the milk out of the dogs breast and swallowed it... for $20, wtf....?
You sent her a pic of your dick with 'guess what you cant have anymore' written on it with a marker.
My one night stand found me at the library and randomly gave me plan B. He was scared I was going to get pregnant because he has a very high sperm count.
He showed up 3 hours late wearing roller skates and acted like nothing was wrong with that.
We bought home drug tests to see which of us could make it look more like a kaleidoscope. What happened to the days of innocent fun trying to best everyone with a breathalyzer?
Me and two guys that I made Eskimo bros all soberly slept together in my bed
I have tan lines from my nipple rings.
I climbed out of the shower to him sitting on the floor trimming his pubes with nail clippers, we both just started laughing at how drunk we were
and the oscar for 'most creative swearing' goes to you for 'jesus's bloody fucksticks'
I'm in my onesie attempting to spoon-feed myself cold soup. I'm playing freeze tag with my hangover. My hangover's winning.
I just watched will sing pure imagination from willy wonka and then blow a banana
If by science you mean beer then YES!!!!
I'm just letting you know right now in advance that if I die or go to the hospital or end up in jail tonight it's because your kid sold me mushrooms.
Having a bangable neighbor is going to ruin my booty call game. I refuse to go across town for dick now
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