She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
you should buy a sheep. A) you get an awesome pet. B) free coat
I found them on a couch next to the sidewalk screaming at cars with a megaphone. Kevin chased the mailman with a jello shot.
when you wake up try not to move. we are betting to see if more sprinkles stuck to you or the pong table.
want to meet me after class and possibly get arrested for indecent exposure?
It isn't possible and the very mindfuck of that concept gives me a lady boner.
I woke up in my living room, on the floor, wearing nothing but a fur coat?
She said she forgot something.. and when she came out she was carrying a garden gnome, and a bottle of vodka. she was too hot to question it.
I just got caught impersonating a t-Rex by my boss. Sadly he wasn't fazed by my behavior and acted like it was normal.
THE HALLOWEEN QUEST WILL BE PICS OF US IN OUR COSTUMES IN EXCHANGE FOR DICK PICS. IT HAS BEEN DECIDED.
Now I'm ashamed that I wore a bra
I gave his daughter swim lessons and in exchange he sold me an ounce. I feel so accomplished.
Turns out the guy I did all that coke with the other night is a cop
We're dating now
i did these weird ass ab exercises once that left me queefing for weeks
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