I woke up to a bunch of college seniors jacking off a horse in my face. Geuss who didnt move in time?
How do you get eyebrow wax out of your butthole region?
The fact that you aren't ashamed to ask that is the reason I will give you the answer. Under the sink there is a bottle of wax remover. Throw my waxing kit away as well.
Its what jesus would do if there were bud light in his time. I feel obligated.
Talk me down man. Writing a paper drunk and about to buy Celine Dion's greatest hits.
We almost forgot to tip the maids, so we left the rest of the gin, some tonic water and a lime. They earned it
You know how hard it is to drive a dirtbike down a road with 2 plants of weed on your lap. Fucking hard
Member that time when we got super drunk and had fun and fell in love
I remember it like it was tomorrow.
And my only real exposure to Russian culture is you and Internet porn.
I just did something so unspeakable in the panera bathroom that their health score dropped 10 points.
I dnt think she needs convincing on the threesome part, it's the threesome with your roommate situation that needs some work
Now he's crying and asking for 'the cameras' to come out. The one cop is laughing
Dude he took a shit in the lake and it just floated around and lingered near our boat for 2 hours. I fucking hate that kid
You still owe me one bodily function mess clean up.
You pee on the floor one time and you never hear the end of it...
First she snuck beer into the movies and then proceded to give me a handjob in the dark theatre. I think I'm in love
woke up with 4 bruises, 2 hickies and a bad case of rug burn. texans are dangerous.
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