you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
If immigrants and dwarves find love, why can't I?
the power's out. i'm smoking weed by flashlight
i wish i was dedicated to anything like you are to weed
this guy jus got head in a gas station bathroom from this fat chick with one leg
gross dude. was the guy blacked out drunk or something?
yeah and it only cost me 6 dollars
he changed my name in his contacts to "rick", so his mom wouldn't know he was texting me
is asking a girl out on a date while in another girls bed in poor taste?
If I brought two seashells to Lowe's, do you think that they'd drill two holes in each shell for me? I need to be a mermaid on Saturday...
He said he was going to "rock my world". I wonder if he too has a false sense of confidence and accomplishment stemming from a complete lack of honesty from our own female counterparts.
Finally another gay clarinet player. They're surprisingly rare.
Boys should be on-demand - like, once you select one, he's yours for the next 24-hours
Pizza and koolaid didn't even make me feel better. This hangover means business
I would just like to point out that a bandaid led to sex. The lesson here is always have a bandaid in your wallet.
Chipotle farts are not good for seducing boys.
His phone started ringing when we were pulled over and he said 'hold on, this is most likely more important than you', proceeded to answer it and agree to work sunday, then hung up, looked at the cop and told him to continue.
Great, now I'm picturing myself as a fucking garden gnome
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