he wasnt into me til he saw how good i was at ms pacman. wtf why does this always happen? when she kisses pacman it was a little awkward, so i made my move. i went for more than one kind of banana last night!
Dude I wish you were here. I'm innthe back seat and it looks like outer space and everything feels like rice. idk. wtf.
my dad came in to wish me a happy birthday and found me passed out in my underwear with the lights on and a plate of meat on the bed. i bet he was proud to have contributed to my creation in that moment.
chastity bono is officially a man...and has a really hot girlfriend...life doesn't make sense
idea:have a jello shot stand(opposed to lemonade stand) to raise money for spring break
I managed to convince my mom that my hickey was a birth mark I have always had. She cried for an hour about being a terrible mother for never noticing it.
He really likes Obama...and Bill Clinton too. He said "I mean, how many presidents can say that they got head in the oval office?"
Soulmates.
Hooking up with one of the deadbeat dads from Teen Mom does not qualify as banging a celebrity.
Finals week...the biggest cock block since your brother threatened me with a beer bottle at the bar.
I found him in his pink and white boxer out side the dorm hall and the only thing he said was "it wouldn't let me in"
Do they make liter beers?
They make 40s
Do they make 2 liter beers
They make 2 40s
It's like everything I need in life within a five block radius: booze, toilets, dogs, dicks.
please tell dad to clear the porn off his tablet before he lends it to anyone from now on
Ah you cut my boxers off with scissors, we're way past introductions
On another note, I kinda only wanna poop laying down now
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