we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.
If I don't wake up hungover in a ditch Monday morning I will consider my halloween a failure
Boobs are also good for catching the vodka gummy bears that miss my mouth
So he's compensating for a really small penis. Either that or he's a drug lord.
My g-ma saw your dick-pic and wants you to know I've got a keeper. She says her big whopper died in Korea. Good thing g-pa is still asleep.
Just an FYI if we break up I'm going to sleep with your cousin or who ever my dealer is.
Clearly it doesn't get better with age. Just more sexual
Judging by my bruises, I know I took more than one tumble. I probably pulled u down w me, and then punched you in the knee. Been trying to find a place to fix my phone between naps today. Almost no place accepts hand js as currency these days. 2013 is gonna be expensive and whorey.
I asked him why I was having sex with him in the middle of having sex. It was sufficiently awkward.
He dislocated his shoulder trying to finger me last night if that tells you anything
I never thought that at some point in my life I would end up in the back of a cop car dressed as Pumba #HakunaMatata
literally took my pants off in the middle of bourbon last night without taking off my heels im a super human i guess
Well, that's not my fault. I make decisions all the time when I'm drunk.
How much glitter would I have to ingest in order for a "magnificent" amount to appear in my ejaculate?
he was wearing pj pants, thank you for not letting me go home with him
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