Someone wrote that you're a whore in one of the bathroom stalls
I didn't know I was popular enough to be hated. This is awesome
Looks like an M-80 went off in a lb. of pastrami
Fuck appropriateness.
you sent me the whole alphabet, one letter a text. it took 15 minutes to read them all
so stoned i ashed in my jack and coke like 4 times. drinking it anyway
All I remember was the chick screaming "don't hookup with him! His dick's the size of a cucumber"
I just worked out and used handles of vodka as weights. Whoever said alcoholism is detrimental to you health obviously has no fucking idea.
I'm in his phone as "nashville blowjob" he also has "cleveland blowjob" "vegas blowjob" etc. i'm okay with this.
im shotgunning beers in the kitchen. alone. the cat is judging me.
You straight up wore me out. This should be a proud moment for you. It's almost like my penis is asking for a timeout. But not really
It's six am and her daughter just walked in on her mom and roomful of naked people playing strip spoons. glad Im apart of that childhood memory....
It's dollar drink night and I have my honors society initiation tomorrow. Somehow I think this will not end well.
falling asleep on a hardwood floor changes a person
Please come over. It's a pajama and burn-2016-in-effigy party
Thanks for fucking the skin off my dick
It was a joint effort between my vagina my feet and your hand you can't just blame that all on me
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