His pubic hair was longer than his dick
you were chalanging people to drink the "worlds biggest jager bomb" - a VASE of Redbull and a PINT of Jager... is it no wonder you dont remember anything?
Does transporting jello shots count as driving with an open container?
Would it help you get over me if I told you that I had unprotected sex last night?
She barfed in the corner of the baby pool. Then she yelled "it's okay" repeatedly while trying to scoop it out.
You were almost as fucked up as I was the night I hooked up with a bob saget look alike...
Just realized I lost my social security card...maybe someone else will do something with my life
Look, as a friend I'm asking to see a picture of his tiny dick
oh my god, just saw a man throw up in a trashcan and blood came out of his nose. HES GETTING ON MY BUS. HES SITTING ACROSS FROM ME. FUCK.
We literally just Chinese fire drilled so I could give him road head.
He broke into my house just to tell me the door was locked.
So, when I got arrested, they fingerprinted me. I'm getting my nails done right now and I'm pretty sure he's filing off my prints. Worth the $30.
Just licked cheese from my hot pocket off my phone. I spilled because I was eating a Popsicle at the same time. Send an adult please
Like actually I will be single and sad and lonely for ever. Cheese will be my life partner. Robot sex is my future.
We won like $80 last night at the casino, so if we get the Plan B we still have enough to get your basic bitch latte from Dunkin. Calm down.
Randomize