ur dog is so gonna tell on us one day.
for doing what?
for smoking bowls out on the deck while your parents aren't home.
If you want to dance with a less than stellar Asian chick, I have just the girl for you.
Did you get an erection too during Paul Ryan's speech?
Just got 20% off at the liquor store. How you ask? I asked if there was an "I got divorced today" discount.
Do you count doing $200 of coke off his dick until 6am as a successful rekindling of our relationship or...
6 pack came off in the shower. Sharpie is not forever.
what are you going as for halloween?
drunk, naked, & emotionally unstable
Paige is home safe.
Actually, she's here now, punching me in the face. You should've kept her keys.
I found her outside drinking steak sauce out of the bottle.
How does fucking Canada get Justin Good Guy Take Me Now, Just Fuck Me In The House of Commons Trudeau, and our new President looks like he bathes in cheetoh dust and sin?
By 9 pm this evening I'll have accomplished smashing with two different guys in two different time zones in the same day.
Stay hydrated
Don't do him, he's a Dolphins fan! A FUCKING DOLPHINS FAN!
As of right now, my vibrator and a bag of snickers share the same drawer
just made a presentation to 40 students and my professor about morals and ethical issues..still drunk. at 8am. I wish I could remember how it went.
She could hold her breath for a long time. Best underwater blowjob ever.
Randomize
