She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
I think when she wakes up, she'll either kill me, or laugh. I hope she laughs.
You are missing out on the best boobs in town right now
rethinking that breast reduction surgery... i'm tired of drunkenly explaining the scars to guys who don't really give a shit
i'm not a hellocoptur, but youer in a dorm ans im un a dorm
I took in his dog. My exboyfriend still calls me for 2 things, blow jobs and animal rescue. I need to end this cycle
You have a roommate and cry when you see my dick
And I also succeeded in getting kicked out of a bar when I was drinking straight from the vodka bottle at our table.
I guess my vagina missed him because it called and left a 5 min. message. Color me impressed
I tolerate his mediocre drunk sex for the mind blowing morning sex. More than worth it.
He somehow always manages to get me naked within 5 minutes of being together. It's like fucking witchcraft.
SHE MASTURBATED TO THE THOUGHT OF ME HAVING AN ALL DUDE THREESOME WITH HER EX BOYFRIENDS.
He went in for a kiss so I shook his hand instead.
I’m pretty sure I have teeth marks on my neck
There's a fuckload of syrup all over the floor.
Randomize
