I'm gunna smoke cigs today. I feel like I'm in that powerful and gritty mood which requires them
I'm like a rollypolly, I only open my legs up when I feel safe.
I hate it when you make eye contact with someone bcs you are about to make fun of them and they take it as a hint to come hit on you.
I'm on the bus going to class. And a cop just rolled by and I got nervous because I didn't have my seatbelt on. I have to stop smoking so much weed.
The freshman came home at 9 this morning with one heel, no pants, and a strangers sweatshirt covered in tequila-scented vomit. I think we're done corrupting her for a while.
I'm thinking I had intended to send you pics cuz I woke up naked
i threw up on the table at the pizza place and peed in her room mates closet. i wouldnt invite me back either
Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
Hahah fuck. I keep looking to make sure that stupid line doesn't show up when my guards are down. Babies can sense fear.
I brought a guy home then decided no. Took him back to the bar and said "I'm going to drop you where I found you. Have fun"
She seriously spent 30 minutes trying to make balloon animals out of my limp dick...
...
Exactly.
The fact that you think I have a life is so flattering to me.
This isn't good. I can't find my mom. This is why we don't give her Fireball.
Why are you barefoot at a strip club?
They don't really make a "hey I'm fucking your ex wife" card do they ?
Randomize
