we've reached the level in our friendship where i don't think he would rape me
i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
I am pretty sure he just licked my hand while trying to sing goo goo dolls iris to me. Get me out of this state.
Vodka + horseback riding = vomit in the saddle bags
i was considerably less excited after they told me my present didnt have a penis
masturbating while the coffee brews is the new power nap
Steve is gonna hang his bear rug on the wall because he doesn't trust us not to have sex on it...
Tell me you didn't really piss in the hookah.
It's a piss down the stairs of the hotel kind of night
So we were having sex and his roommate walks in eating a bag of chips. Then proceeds to talk to us about his bitch of a professor.
Did he at least offer you guys chips?
Also one of my neighbors is blasting "pumped up kicks" and possibly butchering some chickens
bringing my vibrator into the shower with me. if I don't text back in 30 minutes I have electrocuted myself and died.
May the force be with you.
we broke the bed, curtan rods, a dresser drawer, and unless I didn't notice it before, we put a hole in the wall. This is why he and I have to fuck in motels.
You're like my little fucked up version of the groundhog seeing its shadow, only it's boobs and warm weather.
She stripped naked and ran around the outside of the house while I stood by the tent holding her clothes shouting "come back" because I was too drunk to chase her. This is why we can't have nice things.
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