Mr ***** is in bed with his super hot wife giving her 18 inches of pleasure
I'm drunk in f*****g wisconsin and want to kill myself.
If it's any consolation, be grateful that you're not in New Jersey.
Erin Andrews shaves. She also likes to check out her ass in the mirror. Of course if I had an ass like that I'd be checking it out in the mirror too.
you know he's having a sex change. I can't believe you called him "titty man" to his face....
I wonder if they've ever made a porno about the song "she'll be comin' round the mountain when she comes"
you called me in the middle of the night, wandering the streets, in search of "the ultimate burrito"
He made me hold his dick and say "I solemnly swear that I'm up to no good"
I made a Russian puke. I outdrank a Russian. I am unstoppable.
So I don't know, I'm not a doctor, but I might be juggling dates with 3 different guys...
Thinking about wearing all black to the bar tonight since I'll be attending my liver's funeral.
I am in serious pain and you're making dick jokes. I hope you wind up with crotch rot.
You tried to eat your way through the wall. Like you literally tried to eat drywall and insulation.
I wet willied a stranger last night didn’t I?
He had a small dick and screamed "I will kill you if you don't get hard" to it in German...awkward time to have to explain I speak German too...
This is why you need to stop sleeping with freshmen.
Speaking of dumpster fires, your ex tried to add me on Facebook
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