I'm at a Mexican Walmart. Wish you were here.
my math teacher staples burger king applications to failed tests
Does adding vodka to a protein shake defeat the purpose?
i slept with her, drove her to her sisters house to babysit, and then drove around the block where i met her sister and had sex with her in my van. I'm family Friendly!
Dude she has the ugliest blow job face ever.
Well... When your girlfriend fucks your sister, the 2 week courtesy window goes out the door.
Got so drunk in South Padre some guy put me on a suitcase trolly and pushed me to my room. I flashed my boobs as a tip.
Fuck my life, there's a fry in my vagina.
I made out with an Italian cab driver. Not cool. Help. Good news he will drive us anywhere we want to go as long as you cook food?!?!?! I want to melt into the pavement.
I have to finish a biography for history and write a review on it so naturally I was like "getting high will make this more bearable" and now I'm basically inside the book at the revolutionary war with this guy.
I had sex on the roof of the dorm last night ... I feel like a combination of spiderman and van wilder
It was dumb but not something to force me into sobriety
Pregnancy has ruined porn for me. I can't watch a hot chick get it on without being jealous of her perfectly waxed shit. I can't even see my shit.
We were gonna go out drinking tonight but she found out she's pregnant so are you free
How are you supposed to wish the guy you send nudes to good luck for the first day of his new job??
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