She had hickeys... what's up with that?? HAHAHA
yea i came on her face and told her to bring a snorkel next time
Dude...I'm drunk from Wednesday stilll.
Every time I type "should" my phone autocorrects to "shouldn't". even my phone knows my ideas are terrible.
me and my mom are sitting in the bank parking lot drying my beer soaked check with the heat... the whole car smells like heinekin and I'm trying to convince her I don't need a.a.
Somehow she slept thru the vacuuming, people walking in and out, and the sound of constant beer bottles hitting the trash, but when someone said weed in a regular volume of voice she startled awake.
i'm traumatized. his orgasm face consisted of him looking like my dead grandfather and burping.
I just woke up in his house on his bathroom floor with an IV in my arm.
Im rolling face in a pizzeria. I want to be with people who love me.
why is there a chinchilla in our apartment, and where did it come from?
question nothing. DON'T QUESTION A FREE CHINCHILLA.
Because I was drunk or stoned for 4 days. I either made terrible decisions or none at all.
Quick how do you hit on a guy in the car behind you? It's important.
i need to start buying Plan B in bulk and leaving them at the door. I'm really sick of walking to CVS with my one-nighters
I don't know what that means. Any of it. BUT I will be at your house at 10:20 and you better be ready to get high as balls.
I'm reading fall out boy fanfic. What has my life come to.
Randomize
