I have two black x marks on my hands.
Yep you got cut off last night after a stripper bent over in front of you and you screamed very loudly 'I can see your soul from here'
damnit I wish I could remember that.
Words of wisdom-never eat a peanut-butter covered banana on a construction site ever again
A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
If I remember taking any of my finals after tomorrow night, it will not have been a successful night.
Before I left in the morning I deleted her purity ring app off her iPod, I figured it would save her the shame
I'm the only adult here not drinking and their 2 year old daughter is trying to play dolls with me.. I've never been so demoralized in my life.
i walked in and you were spoon feeding your sister grape juice out of a tupperware.
i'm sure the inside of her vag looks like Normandy circa 1944
and yes i had to double check that date for that joke to be accurate
things were going awesome until jimmy put out a cigarette in the everclear.
Wanna shave the hair on my back? If you're offended I was joking, if not I'll bring booze and maybe you can do other regions too.
I got so high that I ate a protein bar while in the shower. I then proceeded to leave half the protein bar and the wrapper on the ledge in my shower. Haha oh well.
I feel like my cat and I are playing mind games. I need more friends.
I just had a morning three-some with marijuana and a detachable shower-head
I lysoled the money\n(631): wrong text lmao
How you run into a glAss door three times in a row I do not know
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