Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
Megan Fox is the only woman I would let pee on me.
I'm similar. She's the only woman I'd ask to pee on me.
Ok yeah you're right. I'd ASK Megan Fox to pee on me. I'd ALLOW Erin Andrews to pee on me if she asked.
i just turned the eviction notice into a beer pong list
As im putting my laundry in the machine, i find a solo cup and a pong ball that i signed babe ruth
My last google search of the night was "Things that cost $102.50"
He's just so adorable. And I don't want to fuck someone who's adorable.
Woke up covered in green glitter and beer. I am never leaving Ireland.
I was told I sang Taylor Swift's entire discography in between violent bursts of green vomit before falling asleep in the bath tub
If fixing it is ignoring it, and getting naked. Then yes we fixed it.
You called his parrot a seagull, a pigeon and a rat with wings, and told it to go eat Cheetos out of a dumpster.
I brought a travel sized bottle of baby powder and sprinkled it on all of the couples making out on the wall in the basement
i found you laying on the floor staring at the ceiling and you kept muttering "why" in various inflections.
Remember how I made that resolution to remain celibate for 6 months? Well, I just broke that
You literally made that 4 hours ago...
I will not abuse the gift that was given to me
You were given a vagina and you abuse that pretty hard
I was watchin a porno and I sware I saw that dude at the bar at applebees the other night
Randomize
