whatcha mean you cant get rid of genital warts? thats not what my girlfriend says
the bulge in his pants is not junk. its hair. trust.
i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
Oh my god! She wrote the word ''hi'' in HAIR on the shower wall. What the fuck?!
What color are my eyes?
Ummmm... 34 C?
There's sex hanging in the air like a pinata. European people are no joke.
I'm pretty sure every guy I've been with this weekend has made a solid attempt at getting me pregnant...
I keep jumping up and down in front of the mirror naked. The only motivation I would be to stop and put clothes on is if you come over. Hurry.
god it feels good to gold a bottle of opiates again.
I think that typo was actually more appropriate than what you intended.
Sorry about the picture of wills balls via snapchat last night btw
omg his dad is hot
... I'm currently away at the moment. Leave a msg since I cannot express how much I can't help you stop ruining peoples lives.
I just did a shot of Jameson and two shots of cuervo. Note: this is the moment things went down hill
When we found you, you were half crying/half singing Taylor swift songs at 2am in the bathroom, and occasionally puking. I think I get "friend of the year" award just for putting up with your drunk ass all night.
You know something is wrong with your life when your mom is at the bar getting free tequila shots and you aren't
sorry i was ignoring you last night i accidentally did a bunch of pcp and thought i was inside tron
Randomize
