Taylor Swift is so right about you.
i was unaware that anal sex sometimes ends with shit on the bed.
We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
To think... Somewhere, too drunk by buckcherry is someone's theme song
let's skip the party, and just play drunken wii, again. its time to give my vag a break.
All signs point to mom being high. 1) making chicken at 2 am. 2) dancing to smooth jazz. 3) she asked where the peanut butter was
I know. I just don't want anything else. I have no other desire. Just a ham sandwich.
I honestly don't know what to make of that.
A ham sandwich would be nice.
just drunkenly made mashed potatoes at midnight. what have you done for your calorie intake lately?
It was ths the worst 15 minutes of my life. . . It was like fucking a warm stick of butter.
Running into your random closeted hookup from last night is really awkward when you have to sit next to him and his girlfriend in a 200 person class.
While we were driving she just screams from the backseat: MUMFORD AND SONS DROP THE BANJO and made what were meant to be banjo sound effects
Also, since I switched back to this phone I've found a crop of dick pics and your funeral arrangements.
"Masturbate" is an actual item on an actual ToDo list of mine. It is at the top.
Her cop pants made me imagine I was riding a unicorn and by unicorn I mean her face
Am I required to send a Christmas card to my fuck buddy?
Randomize
