like if someone fucked a dictionary but instead of having a penis, it was just one of those leap frog educational toys
I hope to god you are high
My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
Apparently the library doesn't care about celebrating the day Jesus became a zombie.
we found you outside the hotel room sleeping with a note next to you that said " we made sure you were comfortable, hope your friends come back soon"
Bible prof is the guy I made out with at the gay bar on the fourth. He doesn't remember.
Is it appropriate to put "Mommy and Daddys shitfaced-ness that led to Aubrey" on a birth announcement?
Well you two just had a kid in the middle of college, I dont think anyone will notice.
Thanks bro
I had to hypnotize my roommate last night so there's that.
When you went off to sleep with that guy that looked like a dirty Jesus and I asked why all you had to say "trying to keep Christ in Christmas" and left. The Vatican called, you're going to Hell.
My goal in life is to ruin sex for someone. To be so mindblowingly unreal that they can never find anyone like me ever again. So far it's going well.
Take a shit and have a hit. It's the Sunday Funday Rule.
I don't care how hot he is. I will not strip for him to country music.
Two of the boys I banged while living in that house are about to move into it hahhaaha
I have photo proof.
Girl, don't care. What's my rule? If I don't remember it, it never happened.
Does anyone remember last night? Because I still don't know why I now own a goldfish and a ceiling fan made of pizza?
Randomize
