I want to stick my p in your. b.
Why don't I have your new number? And who have I been texting?
I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
so this rather large man keeps buying us drinks.......then he licked my face....i dont really care though because the drinks are good. Is this bad?
The lawn was on fire, but I fixed it.
Just so you know.. I just graduated college with your name still written on my chest
If that doesn't scream bromance I dont know what does
Just suggested things for my dad to get my mom for Christmas in terms of "yeah you'll get laid."
He spent the entire date challenging me to chugging contests.
I bet. I bought a surfboard and a kite and filled my camelback with vodka-tonics. Let's do this
It was pretty bad. Like cum-on-my-face-while-singing-Let-It-Snow bad.
so I am that guy with the red solo cup in class. someone has to step it up.
I walked into the bathroom of the hotel and she's in the bath tub with a guy she met a day ago. They were sharing a shrimp cocktail platter and shot gunning bud lights. Oh and it was noon.
Okay let's look at your past accomplishments you've done hungover... Sat great score, academic decathlon, state for track. I think you are solid to go out tonight
ATTENTION PENIS' OF BURLINGTON: I AM COMING FOR YOU
I've been drunk texting you for weeks, and you watched me puke outside your house... I say it's time we meet in person.
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