oh vodka. i could write you a sonnet.
i just won an entire level on word mole with the word 'clitoris'
i just threw up ON my final. epic way to end the semester.
Did you know even strippers have to have GED's these days??
Well hey if hot cowboys are involved then all bets are off.
I cleared a drunken path to my bed for you. If you hit clothes you've gone too far.
Watching crazy stupid love and drinking alone isn't what I thought it was gonna be
Its TONS better. Expect a drunk dial at 11:54
I'm running on two hours of sleep, a shot of vodka, and half of a granola bar. I can't be held responsible for what I do.
I need a priest, doctor, and therapist after this weekend.
You came walking in the backyard at 10am, in cowboy boots, a new shirt, and had no money,....we lost you for 15 hours....i think you just need a camera crew, or an assistant. IMPRESSED!
So....I just took a paddle fan on high speed to the side of the head while getting head...still finished the job, good thing I'm drunk and couldn't feel it.
I'm glad you enjoyed the night but why were you calling me "daddy"?
I'm done, I have no more memes or ways to ask for nudes, so yeah
I think I was just motorboated by a 4-year old girl.
not only did u rap a voicemail to me last night.... but it lasted so long that it cut you off so you called back to finish..... never do this again
Highlight your past hook-ups. You've been stabbed, shot at, run over, and chased down the road...no you can't bring new bar bitch over here!
Dude she has a friend!!!!
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