A hot woman with candy. This is what heaven is filled with
Immaculate conception is definitely the most boring way to conceive a child.
Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
Vodka @ 9pm. Library. Nothing can go wrong, I promise.
my six pack is really starting to show since I started fucking everything that moves
They want me to get them some X for there wedding present. I'm on the way to get it now
Yeah dude, it's amazing. Be careful though, that shit is really really intense. Like it's way more intense than normal shit...
I took two and feel like crushed diamonds spread over glazing marmalade
I think people like me is why alcohol became illegal at one point
Hey mom, soo do we have a family lawyer or am I on my own for that?
Fuck these runners passing me on campus as I'm waking to dinner. With my huggie. With flavored vodka and rum. Aka yum
Plus it's a good way to scope out guys. Have them fight for you, like real males do in nature.
I'm dipping store brand pepperoni pizza in bacon flavored ranch dressing. Obesity tastes so good.
I don't think he cares about your inhospitable uterus.
my underwear is inside out , I have a giant hickie. I'm wearing last nights makeup. this is going to be the best day at work ever
So who has the penis shaped party tray? You or your mom?
Randomize
