Brickbreaker makes my post drinking poops that much better. Sorry, I had to tell someone who might agree.
Im doing kagels to the beat of Christmas music... "Jingle Bells" is hard. Try it.
You go to school with some of the ugliest girls I've ever seen... How are you not getting laid?
So I'm about to go to his house and have "I'm really sorry for cheating on you last night" sex
Having sex with her is like doing taxes, Happens once a year and I usually end up paying.
The bartender just started bringing me gin and tonic in a pint glass to save himself trips...
she's lying on the floor with a bottle of vodka, belting shakira. plz advise.
Trying to find a reliable dealer on Rockfordmugshots.com. Guy arrested for 15 grams of coke could be him !
You realize those people have been ARRESTED recently. right.
OH MY GOD THE LITTLE GIRL IS SITTING WITH US WHILE WE SMOKE. I'M NOT DOING THIS
His buddy came running in the room after we had sex, and started "sponging" the sweat off my forehead with his sport wristband.
I don't remember his name. I had whataburger on my mind and in my hands so I wasnt really listening
I'm scrolling through our convo thread and all we talk about is pizza, alcohol & dick with the occasional "I miss you" thrown in.
The magician guy on probation is here at the bar. I'm gonna get him to show me a trick
Literally just sitting around waiting for someone to come along and fuck my chakras back into alignment
i think if a sober person was watching us they would have not thought we were witty
Randomize
