i just sat at a stop sign for 10 minutes waiting for it to turn green. i need to STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT.
He told me his condom was going to expire tomorrow and he needed to use it. I can't believe I fell for it.
Just did ten shots in 8.34 minutes........ Slowly getting over the loss
come parachute off the vicodin airplane with meee
Claiming territory at this party means signing a girls ass...I've got dibs on a blonde
I can't even tell you how many rave sticks I tore apart with my teeth last night.
Really? And is this the kinda party we talked about earlier?
Yup. It's just me crying in a closet eating soup
Filthy. I need to be power hosed with holy water.
he puked all over my guest bed and the said he felt good enough to clean it up. he poured bleach all over the bed and passed out in it. he had the chemiacal burn for a month...
I just ironed my gstring.. this is please fuck my brains out on a whole new level.
maybe facebook could make a notification like "someone tagged a photo of that guy you used to bang and still think is really hot with his shirt off"
Got home and told boyfriend what happened. He was like "you made out with a guy you call Balls Deep?" and hi-fived me.
I just put on lipstick to sext him. That should tell you where my love life is at.
Put a Santa hat on my junk. He's wants to be festive too.
Dude I'm fucking tired of freshman, there are god damn teeth marks on my dick again
Randomize
