nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
I wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commercials.
True Life: I hate vaginal excretions
We just got really drunk and bought toilet paper. Successful Monday.
Nothing says 'good morning' like waking up only to realize this chick was watching you sleep. She's crazy
thats it. im teaching my cat how to use a fire alarm
Btw: some husbands are not impressed by me trying to snap photos of their wives camel toe.
Cover your phone. Photos of streaking frat guys incoming.
Gotta admit I did think about bartering you out to the gay guys for $20 and the dudes flashy neck scarf
Mike showed up naked and in handcuffs. Again. Feel free to come over and laugh because I'm not helping this time.
Yeah, I've been trying to get him to eat healthier. Turns out he'll eat almost any fruit or vegetable as long I let him eat it off my body.
The two of us decided to throw a spur-of-the-moment parade and the next thing I know we're 4 miles down the road being followed by 65 drunk strangers
You just kept looking down at your tits and screaming "I LOVE YOU TWO!!!"
Apparently walking into a national conference and proclaiming "i'm here to fuck shit up" is frowned upon.
Who knew?
How is there a hawk inside this house? More importantly how the hell is he handling it without any gear?
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