I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
At the miami airport. Don't know if it's all the tequila I drank in cozumel or the 5 year olds french accent but I might puke.
I wish there were college classes that were useful to your daily life, like how to pack a proper bowl in pitch black darkness.
Dude i thought about you literally the second after I came. This friendship is starting to cross some serious boundaries
I was standing when I hit it. I barely made it to the couch before the walls started turning into people.
How can I explain how nice he is to you? ...like, I'm going to have to have my world famous why being a douche is sexy talk.
I played ping pong,drunk, with my hand instead of the paddle. And i won. I have hidden talents
Brian got his first ever blow job last night. We should make him a scrapbook.
Pack light, we're going straight to bar from the train. No place to put our shit.
Dude all I'm bringing is my dick and a phone charger.
That was the night, like, my hair caught on fire...
My whole house smells like Spaghetti-Os and cat litter. I think I've failed as an adult.
Nothing like a little " am I gonna shit myself " to spice up the work day
Its official... I need to stop being so slutty.. the guy I had sex with on friday delivered my jimmy johns tonight.
Where does drinking Flat, warm beer from two days ago rank of the No Fucks Given scale?
A log hopped out of the fireplace and caught the carpet on fire. Good summary of this election if you ask me.
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