so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
We're playing Big Buck Hunter to determine who buys the next pitchers. And they said video games wouldn't help me later in life
Do you know how hard it is to conceal the fact that you puked all over the bed that someone is sleeping in?
I woke up with the wrong plaid-shirted guy in my bed.
im covered in puffy paint and glitter i cant find kevin and im wearing shoes that dont belong to me....come get me please
Its the little things i like about bein home like having actual toilet paper instead of subway napkins
Some great men died of syphilis. I accept your compliment.
Don't forget: you only show your tits for the good beads. Be judicious.
If we can only get laid once in a blue moon, apparently this will be our month.
It's just not a Friday night unless I'm getting propositioned by a guy in a wheelchair via Facebook messenger...
He said I act like a cross between a kindergartener and a high 70 year old man. Which is inacurate because it fails to account for the disco obsession.
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but a penn state hat. We are....
I know he works a lot but c'mon man. I 69'd you the first week we boned. Put a little effort in. Fuck.
We're gonna have to check the security cameras after last night
Pretty sure he was in my class in like 2nd grade
I like how you know everyone I've ever fellated.
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