there are some really hot girls on the bus. i want to lips them
i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
I don't know what happened last night but I woke up this morning with "wolf pack" tattooed on my knuckles.
Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
Nada. Shooting off confetti and wanted to see I'd u could see it from ur house.
Wow. Its not even 11am.
hey remember that 14 year old i met 5 years ago who i said i would bang 5 years from then?
Yup.
I'm just going to text him the word sex repeatedly until he comes over.
Did it work?
Duh, it only took 27 texts and 15 minutes and he was at my front door.
I don't know what's worse the the fact he has worn a protective cup for last 3 years in fear of being kicked in the balls. Or the fact that the one day he decides to throw caution to the wind and doesn't wear it and actually gets kicked in the balls.
Who in tha hell do u hang out with?
His lack of social graces and moral fiber complements mine nicely.
If you sleep with him again I'll have you spayed
Is Oprah even human
the bartender goes "wow its so good to see you sober" and gives me a hug
We lost. I'mma go home and drink more and do a face mask and wonder why it is that god put me on this Earth to suffer
Just did the "lost my phone, need #'s" post and I got a text saying "go ahead and save me as Ashley-DD because I know you will anyway. I think I love her.
I do have a moral compass! I can’t help it if it only points at penises
Randomize
