What are we going to do tonight?
What we try to do every night. Take over the world
she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
I think god was stupid personally. The clit should be inside the vagina. Idiot.
know what turns me on? long, stringy hair on a pasty looking girl with an overstuffed backpack and kneepads over her jeans in case she falls off her scooter
your less of a man for seeing that
he conducted the entire waffle house into singing the song Oklahoma. He was wasted.
The Ex's are trying to talk to the GF. Game face bro.
She carried my bag of puke down the aisle and the flight attendant wouldn't move the beverage cart so she put the puke bag in the flight attendant's face and said "I have a bag of sickness!" I've never seen a cart move that fast.
I have a bruise on dick where you tried to "high five" me.
Some poor guy found you passed out in a bathroom stall. Again with your dick out. Looks like you got to rage after all.
Like he and the nurses kept being so persistent with it and I just wanted to run out of there in my backless gown and yell FUCK OFF BITCHES IM OUT
Totally had a conversation drunk last night with a bisexual chick at my apartment in Spanglish too.
You're a hero.
My trash can accurately represents my weekend: Bojangles wrappers and magnums.
i just want to die with dignity and clean teeth, is that too much to ask?
Lady Gaga is doing the 1/2 time show. I hope it's gay and liberal as fuck.
"can you come pick me up from the ikea parking garage i think i slept here"
Randomize
