Okay I've seen like three girls walking around crying today. Weird?
everyone's regretting their thursdays.
Birthday Coupon: This text is good for alteast 3 hours of Birthday Sex. Redeamable any time, anywhere, and any style.
I don't remember her missing an ear while we were at the bar
he went to find a bathroom and came back 10 minutes later with a fifth of bacardi, a pack of cigarettes, and two funnel cakes. he is a man among boys.
I left puerto rico a week ago and my vagina still smells like coconut.
There are so many Jimmy John's employees here
Where are you?
Jimmy John's.
ur not supposed to find someone to make out with when ur bf takes u to his SISTERS house to hang out with her and her husband
EVERYONE IS SPEAKING SPANISH. I ONLY KNOW HOLA.
You were so drunk, you called my cruise control, the "auto pilot" and asked my car politely to take us to Taco Bell.
No, your dick is problems. Anyone you fuck haunts us for the rest of the semester. If you need to get laid, I'll personally drive you out of state.
...You tried to use your wallet to call her after you gave your cell phone to the cab driver as a "peace offering"
That's the only way to get approved without a guarantor.
WHAT DOES THAT MEAN WHAT FUCKING LANGUAGE ARE YOU SPEAKING
Is it something I'm going to want to hug you for or slap you for?
I don't know what else is in your wedding gift, but I just pulled out a pair of handcuffs in front of her grandmother.
Also a whip and a blindfold. Don't be a bitch, enjoy it!
You'd be proud...I've an early morning wake up booty call...he should be here around 6am ish...I told him to wake me nicely.
Randomize
