So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
She said as long as i don't wake her up she doesn't care what hole i use.
Got yourself a keeper right there.
Do you remember last night at all? Be honest
I need to look at the pictures on my camera to fill in the gaps.
I got a Cease & Desist email from NBC for downloading Bruno. I am not going down for gay porn.
The dean held back my hair as I was puking after graduation. That means so much more than a diploma and a handshake.
Beach body diet is off. Pizza hut worked its way back onto my google chrome top 8
I just past a guy who was biking and double fisting wit glass beer bottles. That is what i call talent
I am broke enough to accept it. If I get poisoned, you can have my shoes
I've come to the conclusion that Jesus and 2013 are haters.
Whiskey and tits go great with anything. Especially fire.
Yeah he drove 30 minutes at 3 AM to come fuck me in my neighbors treehouse
Fuck. What bets did I make about "yeah when the Cubs win the World Series" that I gotta reneg on????
I peed in Andys sink the other day bc I didnt want him to hear me pee
My dad accidentally texted me asking if I had weed...
Maybe you should say yes, and you guys can like bond or something...
Randomize
