Dude, I was completely sober last night, didn't puke on my shoes, went home with an incredibly beautiful girl, wore a condom, and didn't wake up in a puddle of urine this morning.
hah, sarcasm, classic
Anderson Cooper interviews Obama. It's like CNN is teasing and broadcasting my dream 3 way.
how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
i lost my airplane ticket and tried to board with a bar receipt in all the confusion. i have officially lost all brain cells in college.
2nd semester senior, always drunk. at this point if i don't get a good parking spot, i turn around and drive home
Will you please bring me a line of coke at work without asking questions?
I woke up to my dog puking on my bed. Looks like it was a successful night for us all.
I'm being fed tequila grapes by a girl on stilts...
Lying on this bed is like lying on love and marshmallows and joy
I'm either a high functioning alcoholic or I'm making the most of the fact that this is the last year that its socially acceptable to be black-out drunk five days a week.
Literally told everyone you're my idol cause you ate a chicken nugget off a sword
if you want to know how my night is going I just ugly cried in the cheesecake factory
HAVE BEEN SPEAKING IN RUSSIAN ACCENT FOR 5 HOURS
SHIRT GONE
VASECTOMY FOR THE WIN
How much have you had to drink?
Qhaghao Oslo?
That seems like quite a lot.
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