Is it normal to miss your booty call?
I've come to the conclusion that as a grad student I would much rather prefer to get laid then get drunk
I think you know full well that a few years ago my stance was the polar opposite
Well, its 5:30am and you haven't let me in, I guess ill go home
Do you know how when animals have surgery they put those cones around their heads so they can't lick their wounds so they can heal? I think someone should invent that for human emotions.
cum and cheesecake for breakfast...don't fucking tell me pride week isn't awesome
I woke up to three texts telling me to "go fuck myself," a panicked voicemail from my mom, and a girl thanking me... I'm not sure which I should take care of first
Call me when you get off. I have stories about black lesbians in jail begging to braid my hair...
nothing like a walk of shame in front of a cnn news crew to start the morning off right
Shrimp lo Mein doused in green apple Smirnoff is a rare delicacy only a few get to experience..guess I should consider myself lucky
I GOT MY PERIOD THIS IS A GLORIOUS DAY I AM TOTALLY GOING TO MAKE PIES TO CELEBRATE THAT THERE ARE NO REPUBLICANS IN MY UTERUS!
i'm pretty sure i can feel a baby kicking just looking at him. if he didnt impregnate you, you officially have an iron-clad uterus.
i have achieved a new state of being which requires no food or water but is sustained only by coffee and pure, unrelenting rage
I love him about as much as I'd love fucking myself with a cactus.
Not only do I have a well-defined bite mark on my arm, but I also have a perfectly clear bruise of a handprint wrapped around my arm like a tribal tattoo. Thoughts on how that happened?
You some how ended up sleeping on one of the beams that run along the ceiling of your house
Randomize
