My dick has been asking about u. He said he didn't do anything wrong n I'm a dumbass
I wanted to dispute a few 411 charges on my phone bill. The service rep told me I called them four times asking for Lady Gaga's number.
You totally drew a penis wizard on my closet that says "I travel for cock rock"
I feel like I just need to fuck him after all his effort. like a "hey man good try" like those kids who get last place and still get a trophy.
Good idea. You gotta take care of your vagina. She takes care of you. Pay it forward.
I'll start choreographing the sperm rain dance now
I'm really proud of myself for not blacking out yet this weekend!
It's a Thursday.
I hate having to put a bra on before I go home cuz I have to pretend I actually went to class today
I didn't want to walk to anymore parties because I found a cat. It was magical.
I was ok with it until you started yelling " just the tip!" I know she's you gf but don't backseat drive the three-way.
In case you're wondering what eggs stolen from an elementary school's chicken coop taste like, delicious. Delicious is what they taste like.
Look I'm really high right now, and if I were to leave this house, it would be for the sole purpose of getting an ice cream sandwich. So can you please just do it.
How do I say “I have great tits” without it sounding awful
you know you need to get laid when: getting wrestled to the ground in a self-defense class turns you on....p.s. this is a booty call
You were up on table in a neon bra chanting "YOUR MOM" while drizzling vodka on your chest...
no wonder i woke up with my boobs stuck to my bra
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