no one should ever give us hovercrafts
My own mom unfriended me on Facebook.
It was like having sex with a donkey. Everytime she got close she would kick me.
I just remember making out with this kid's friend, washing blood off my hands and hearing the RA's were looking for me.
Lesson learned. Whipped cream will eat through a condom.
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
I'm gonna take off my shirt and spin it around my head like petey Pablo so u can find us
Me and this random chick had a conversation about how to save the world. 2 words: Dance. Battles. I love drunk heart to hearts in bar bathrooms.
Honestly I'm so excited to go to bed I feel as if I don't deserve to be in my early twenties.
Please tell me you're not home alone watching Glitter.
Can you see in?
I hope dressing like a sexy, but very grown up and intelligent, secretary while out shopping helps disguise how high I am right now.
Dealing with people is so much easier after you've had an orgasm or 4.
Thank you, BTW, for defiling my bed. Glad it was done well.
I don't know where I'm at. But I'm pretty sure what I'm looking at is a small bear.
Come over. Bring drugs. My sister is making cookies. She took Valium. They should be badass cookies.
Randomize
