dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
i just stumbled downstairs, still drunk, to hug my dad and wish him a happy fathers day
but fathers day is next sunday
i realized that after i threw up on his bare feet
I didnt pay $190 for a fake with a new middle name of Vane..
Also, at 1:30 I emailed myself saying, "are you there Margaret? It's me, god"
After this weekend, it looks come this holiday season I'll be walking in a winter abortionland.
They're doing shots to celebrate every 15 minutes passing. You can come get them.
I hope we all get so wasted that we ride the cows again
If you don't sing me a lullaby then I'll just take shots till I pass out
At the drs she looked at my back saw your scratch marks and asked "does your back itch a lot?"
Boobs are out for the taking
I went through my entire iTunes library and made a playlist called "Feelings". I have 7.5 hours of feelings.
third nipple confirmed
I am so sorry for drunk texting you r kelly lyrics
just because you have a nice tits it doesn't make you a magic little snowflake.
Thanks for the hospitality last night.
You mean sex?
Yes....hospitality.
Randomize