I woke up on a raft in a bath tub filled with beer. excellent night.
I've made out with men from every corner of the globe. Sex-wise, I've almost conquered europe. Take that napoleon
I don't know how, but he made a bong out of a hamster wheel. To say I am impressed is an understatement.
OMG the post office opened my dildo! "we sincerely regret the damage to your package"
he was holding the bottle like a running back yelling for security and the national guard as he was being tackled
Omg just remembered. I tried to kidnap a dog.
I remember seeing his penis I just dont know exactly what I did with it
oh god my hair smells like rotten vegetables, sweat, and tequila. I wanna party with your neighbors every night.
You were dancing with his friend and you stopped to literally push the girl he was dancing with out of the way to make out with him
I think I'm too tall to 69 successfully.
I think I might cry.
I didn't know whether to laugh at the fact that a dog bit his balls or throw up cause my dad was telling me a story involving his balls.
She makes him look at her naked pics before she sends them to someone she's actually going to fuck. I think this makes him mayor of the friend zone.
sex, shower, sex, ice cream sandwiches?
Is there an "I fucked your brother" emoji?
My ex boyfriend just amazon primed me a vibrator...guess I seemed stressed?
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