he proceeded to punch 3 mailboxes in a row and when i asked him why, he said "because they were talking shit"... i need a new boyfriend. and a new life.
I woke up at 5 this morning face down on my bed with gummy bears stuffed in my leggings. Yeah.
The google font looked peculiar last night, but then up close I realized it was just dry vomit.
The pine trees are waving at me.
Put the pipe down honey.
Hi trees.
Finals week has gone away, doo dah doo dah, drink martinis naked day oh da doo dah day
Well my door is unlocked for you, I'll be in the bathtub drinking a pre-mixed bottle of margarita until I forget the degree to which my life sucks.
You know you need to hit the gym when you're not strong enough to get the cork outta the wine bottle. And you know you're a drunk when that's the only motivation to do exercises
Seriously though, you almost tore my right nipple off.
If I had really thought it through, I would have bought some Depends, popped one on and made this night my bitch.
It was a fight. Me vs nature and drunkenness. And nature won. Big time.
I'll be in SoCal at my bachelorette party, aka embracing a fireman covered in KY and chocolate shavings.
do you remember your solution to not spill your drinks last night? .. Shots, that way you wouldnt have time to spill them. i love your drunken logic haha
I told her my hands felt like they touched the sun, never been that stoned before
i can eat my weight in tater tots. don't test me, bitch
Soo I'm in the trunk of a car drunk about to jump on trampolines. My life rocks!
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