I started drinking at 10.30am. Ive got a solid buzz, ive decided holidays are to be treated like gamedays
drunken yoga. on the beach. senior week. you have been chosen <3
DIN'T JUSGE NE.
It took too long for people to come up with things in "never have i ever" so we had to change it to "Don't judge me but.."
I'm in this weird masturbatory haze making onion rings. If you want to come over we can eat these suckers and play TF2.
Why don't we hang out more often?
Life seems so much brighter and more vibrant after you have sex with a 20 year old. It's like how Kansas was in black and white and Oz was in technicolor.
I just dropped a paperclip into my cleavage while talking to the company president... That's an awkward moment.
Did you at least offer to let him get it out??
I gave him a bunch of ideas to use to spice up their sex life. Say what you will, I am the best 'other' woman ever!
This guy is selling weed on the train. Like... Straight up. No fucks given.
Cheers to being single today. There's an entire box of franzia with my name on it.
Drove by a guy getting road head, midday on O Street. That could be us, but you won't let me in your pants when you drive.
When we found you, you were half crying/half singing Taylor swift songs at 2am in the bathroom, and occasionally puking. I think I get "friend of the year" award just for putting up with your drunk ass all night.
Dude there's ten thousand dollars worth of damage to the kids house and three thousand in stolen property and his dog is missing he is pissed
If I give him back his dog do you think he'll invite me to the next party
She told me the next morning I stared at her tits for like 15 minutes with binoculars from only a few seats away.
I just hooked up with the German exchange student who doesn't speak English. And you said I have no talent.
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