I'm drunk in f*****g wisconsin and want to kill myself.
If it's any consolation, be grateful that you're not in New Jersey.
How do I tell my mom that she just went to the gym with my water bottle filled with vodka...
come on don't hate me. your brother looks just like you its almost a complement that i had sex with him.
he was playing drums on rock band as i poured bailey's into his mouth. tell me that's not a bonding moment.
I just wanna be craddled in his arms and spoon fed applesauce..
that's the most romantic thing you've ever said.
Claiming territory at this party means signing a girls ass...I've got dibs on a blonde
So for future reference.... it's a little unnerving when I can't get hold of you, and the last communication we had was, "Oh fuck... It's tequila"
to improve your porn experience, just imagine a slow speaking older English man narrating it all like a Nature documentary
I have a hunch Mama J got around.
Am I allowed to say that about my own mom?
Just watched my first Christmas porn of the year. Def have the spirit now
I think he's like Cher he's going to live forever but not as scary looking
He KNOWS ALL THE WORDS TO "JESUS IS MY FRIEND", I swear if he even tries to pull shit with me I'm becoming an actual nun.
Look, his dick is so good at being a dick that it makes me see God. And I don't even believe in God.
I passed out in my bed, but woke up on the dog bed,with no pants, snuggling with toilet paper and a bottle of softsoap. Ive hit a new low.
they told me that it was glow in the dark and would make me magical. I was too drunk to say no. I woke up to a purple vagina.
its like a neon Im stupid as fuck sign
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