Can i come over
After you called me a desperate slut? No
Come over
I bet farrah fawcett is having words with michael jackson in heaven for stealing her thunder
i just bought ciggarettes using my court citation as id. I've reached an all time low.
1. I feel like Jello 2. The girl i hooked up with last night isn't here and a different girl is lying next to me. 3. I have no clothes on 4. Can guys go on walks of shame?
I just introduced him to multiple male orgasms. I love wine AND tequila
first day of class and my professor asked me if i was going to come to class drunk all semester.
I just had sex in a cardigan. Made me feel old. Smarter somehow, but old.
She stumbled in with some guy, woke me up, introduced him and said "This is my sister. She's a freshman. She probably hates you."
At some point last night Lemondrops turned into me doing shots of vodka and eating sugar packets at the bar.
He ripped off my pantyhose and all I could think was, "oh no those were clinic-appropriate!" That's what I get for ditching a continuing education meeting to go hook up with my scuba instructor.
How can I politely yet provocatively ask you for a cock shot?
I opened a bud lite with a fencing sword last night. Yeah you banged that guy.
That which doesn't kill you gives you an excuse to get shitfaced later
I just smoked a bowl alone and took my Zyrtec here's to a full night.
I just woke up and I don't really remember anything past 1pm. How much am I missing?
A good 10-11 hours. You got laid twice. Also, you out-ran a cop and played football with a lamp.
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