she looked like the bat from fern gully.
Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.
why do i have 22 missed calls from someone who is literally saved in my phone as bumrape star??
You need Jesus like Tony Danza needs another hit show.
I put it into a sports analogy for him: there are three teams in the league- friends, fuck buddies, and dating, and the fuck buddies roster is full, pick an alternate team
so im kinda of nervous about the whole bust inside event last night
he said he wanted to butter my pancake. i thought it was sexual, but he went downstairs and made pancakes. i need to stop dating fat guys.
omg theres cum all over the american flag and now its up in front of his house.
Do you ever actually plan things? Or is it always drugs then whatever happens? I'm considering being worried about you
He was kissing me at red light while his penis was in an aluminum beer bottle peeing..
We don't have any ice, so I'm using the frozen cognac to reduce the swelling on Abby's toe.
I'm still getting random messages from guys about my Halloween outfit. Electrical tape is coming back next year
Also, I'm kinda hungover this morning and I need to wire money to my lawyer. So this is what adulthood feels like
I saw a penis covered in glitter tonight.
The cop busted in, made the music stop, and goes "GUYS LISTEN UP! DRINK, DO DRUGS, HAVE UNPROTECTED SEX, I DONT GIVE A FUCK, JUST QUIET DOWN!" Best. Cop. Ever.
Randomize
