I told her I was team Edward. I haven't gotten laid that easy since I told your sister that I had cancer
sex in a ball pit. and I thought ghandi did great things.
So basically i got outta bed and started peeing on the a/c unit..when my roommate tried to stop me i looked at him and said "i got this"
Ya well my good-girl image was pretty much blown when he found out I'm going to jail soon.
buying new sheets for when my mom visits. I can't in good conscious let her use the ones from last night
Carpe scrotum. Grab life by the balls.
Finished watching the entire first season of mighty morphing power rangers. Now I have nothing. Not even a life.
Obviously you've never slept with someone who was deliverance level inbred.
Just made out with a girl I dated in high school, and she told me her girlfriend likes me. I like where this is going.
So I hooked up with a guy with a mustache and woke up on a dragon futon underneath a dragon yin-tang tapestry... My life is spiraling in a weird way.
Planning a foam party. Swimsuits are mandatory, and please no granny suits. If you wear a granny suit I will stick you in the corner and put a cone hat on your head.
First time since we broke up that I'm not drunk before noon...win for broken hearts everywhere
Going to put that on my resume. "Only accidentally snapchatted my titties to all of my friends once."
We drank vodka and koolaid through a traffic cone. It got rowdy.
I have 2 bottles of wine, a sharpie, and a panda mask and don't have to wake up early. Can u do the math on this?
Randomize
