Oh, don't even get me started. Harry Potter is so pure. Twilight is just teenage girl porn.
It was all fun and games until Tim shit on the end table
pretty sure that I broke my nose during sexting. Life is grand.
like semen in my mouth is absolutely disgusting but i'd still like to experience it
no today was horrible, i woke up and somebody slit my car tire and left an apology letter in my wiper that said "sorry wrong house"
He doesn't need a wingman, he needs a miracle
just gave another girl i passed on the walk of shame a high five
HE THREATENED ME WITH A CACTUS. WHERE DID HE EVEN GET A CACTUS.
Is girls night deemed a success when you piss the bed?
Impromptu road trip to New Orleans for four days of Mardi Gras. I'll probably be alive and back for Valentine's Day plans, probably won't stick my dick in some random either-might be using my free pass you cheating asshat. Love you. Expect random texts & probably a drunk dial or twelve. You did this to yourself. You're not invited so don't bother. Have fun at work.
I just love that a strip club has taco Tuesday.
He shampooed and conditioned his pubes but can't manscape for shit.
I'm both gender and math confused
I'm not drunk or hungover and I don't have to work. My body is sooo confused!
I'm going to blackout. I realize this
Randomize
