Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
Last night was def like the makeout party episode of full house
if all i could do was poop and smoke weed, i'd be eternally happy
amen to that sister
The walk of shame is far, far worse on crutches.
The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
Once again there IS no outside bathroom. Never has been, that is the balcony
I don't know if it's the amount i drank last night or the number of taylor swift statuses on facebook but i feel like puking everywhere
i feel this will be the best possible way to start a friendship. By breaking into his house.
You're like the Mr. T of my A-team, only less gold jewelry and more pitying of fools.
That's the nicest thing anyone has said to me all day.
I yelled at the dude who smoked him up "YOU'RE THE REASON I'M NOT GETTING LAID" then went to bed. So yeah, I guess it was an ok night.
pray to the hookup gods
You shouldn't play strip poker when you're having a wet fart kind of day.
Let's be honest, college orientation is going to be "here's how to drink everclear"
And he put my hair in my clip while i blew him...and he did a good job
New strategy for telling if someone is drunk: will they attempt to drink a candle if you put a straw in it?
Randomize