My mom gets in bar fights. She doesn't go to bed early.
Is my tampon string too long for this dress?
I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
His concept of male bonding is doing lines in adjacent stalls.
Everything sucks i just wanna cry and smoke a bowl and pet my cat and die. All at the same time
Idk. Last year there was an ice luge, glow in the dark jungle juice, and lots of naked people. I feel like I'll get pregnant just thinking about going to that party.
I dunno what he did but it both burns and feels amazing to pee
Well tech shes born nov 12, but since her head was out on the 11th, she claims both days as her birthday
Tim and I found you a 5ish and asked how you were doing with the breakup. All you said was "i can't words"
My pants zipper is stuck halfway down. I have to interview an intern later. This day is gonna be amazing,
We trekked into the state forest, laid the comforter down and he proceeded to tell me that we could stay here and stargaze, turned me around and fucked me like the lion king.
Do you think you could cook pancakes while i blow you?
I found a loose wire in my thermostat. Couldn't find the pliers, so I used a nipple clamp to fix it.
I'm pmsing pretty hard.. .just cried 3 times while eating a Hershey bar dipped in peanut butter
I thought I was drunk because I kept grabbing his arm instead of his dick
But then I realized it wasn’t his arm and that I was very lucky
Randomize
