I drank too much. My snot smells like vodka when I blow my nose.
she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
Michael Bay diarrhea
imagine how many guys you'd have sex if you didn't recieve your monthly gift.
You just kept taking about baking cornbread and doing your physics. Even drunk assed random you is a better student than me.
Also...you were trying to touch his balls without him noticing
Just woke up to find myself cooking eggs on the imaginary stove in my room.
I basically have a picture with a half naked foreign exchange student. He kept screaming rolltide and i felt like a traitor
Dunno yet. Probably just gonna play the s.t.d. russian roulette game with random bartenders at the beach again. Same 'ol same 'ol
Really? A fat girl?
I'm walking her back. Chill out.
She is a nice girl okay. For some reason we are in my room though.
Well, maybe we can talk about it over a drink and some crushed up vicodin.
I'm just gonna put on a documentary and throw up
I think I must have activated my bat signal.... All three of my FWBs contacted me today!
You fell out of his top bunk onto his set of golf clubs. After seeing blood on your leg, you proceeded to sing "the first cut is the deepest" while sprawled on the golf clubs
Idk, apparently drinking five Four Loko's and trying to fight a mailbox constitutes disorderly conduct.
Randomize
