ive had 594 apples! thats 99 apples 6 times! math!
Got a blowie from her in the cab on the way home. Made awkward eye contact with the cabbie who said, and I quote "Keep the mess in her mouth bro", I did so only out of respect
I just watched a guy smoke weed through a French Horn. He is my hero
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
you know it's a good party when the fucking floor caves in. THE FUCKING FLOOR.
Im fairly sure two chicks roofied me last night. Suckers. I love free drugs.
The tequila covers up the fact that the choco liquor tastes like sadness.
and if planning a fake elopement keeps me from fucking strangers and doing drugs, i think it's good for me
I went to the bar without a bra on pretty sure you can go to Taco Bell drive thru with no pants
I stopped his blowjob to raise 3 fingers & whistle the hunger games tune to the people walking past the window
My heart says buy the granny panties, but my vagina says don't throw in the towel yet.
Is it awkward to pay for your boob job with scholarship money? Either way, it's happening.
I'm laughing at the fact that I'm at Target right now buying vitamins and alcohol.
i think ive been high everyday since ive met you
So my furniture is upside-down, two lamps are glued to the ceiling, and there is a kitten sleeping on Kyle's face. Please tell me what happened last night....
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