New low: just hacked my moms facebook
Call it a failed empirical study as to whether drugs would make her more interesting. or at least better in bed.
Note to self: never do anything I don't want to explain to a paramedic
We did a shot for each one. Father... son... and holy ghost. That wasn't enough though so we moved on to toasting dead relatives.
Bob the builder, bob the uilder bob the builder bbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbjbbbbbiotch!pp!!!!
We made the pizza boy do Jell-o shots with us. He didn't even deliver to our house, we just called him over from the neighbors
I was very proud of myself that day. I had an awesome time. I don't care if I negatively impacted others.
Sitting on the curb by new england comics with a weeping drunk girl who's eating french fries saying she'll never be as successful as her sister the hand model. She's scaring the nerds.
Our date was amazing and I would like to reward you with a blow job under your desk.
I can pencil you in at 3:30
the chips you spilled whiskey on is not the same thing as Irish breakfast potatoes
please tell me we weren't that bad as freshmen
i can't, we're worse now
He sent me a selfie with his cat. He has found a way to my heart. And pants.
"my nose is broken but I'm beer pong champ so it evens out really"
can i get licensed in dentistry online like a priest
Trouble in the neighborhood - turns out my brother's summer lawn care gig also entailed banging three different MILFs and they just all found out about each other
Gotta pay for college somehow...
Randomize
