I am so gay it hurts my loins. Going to see She's Just Not That Into You... again. Ohhh my goodness.
Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
This is how I know I have no life... Jon and Kate are my emotional roller coaster.
People were stuck in the elevator screaming and freaking out. I banged on the door and yelled, "fire depart!" They got excited and then I ran away. lolz
Cop gave me a ticket for public drunkedness, and then I convinced him to drive me back to the party
The little penguins are speaking with a hispanic accent. I dont know how to feel about it. Geographically speaking, this cant be possibly. This isnt cool.
just gave another girl i passed on the walk of shame a high five
no i do not regret standing at the wendys drive thu handing the employees mardi gra beads to get free chicken nuggets
My gyno overestimated by 3 TIMES the amount of sex we have per week. First of all, he must think I'm a freak. Secondly, I think we should catch up.
I heard you shushing me, but my screaming orgasm drowned it out.
He fucks like those drill things that you see when you think of texas
You started pulling out condoms from your fanny pack and threw them at all the couples on the beach
Your cousin just directly asked you for nudes
Ok, maybe playing "whose family is most dysfunctional" wasn't the best drunk idea we've had. Todd''s been crying in the bathroom for an hour. We can't get him out...
Can I bother you for a second.
You always bother me but go on.
Randomize
