i hooked up with some kid with a broken arm and he wouldnt even let me sign his cast
Yeah I hope so. Definately just saw two freshmen in very authentic togas and cotton ball beards. This new class is stepping it up.
She's locked herself in the bathroom with a tub of icecream and she's watching my little pony on her phone. We know it cause she sings with them.
Until you wake up with a Hustler club stripper in the next room whose nipple you were coerced to lick at Snake & Jake's after breaking up a fight between an Indian and a Filipino, I don't wanna hear about your weird.
Ahh you know it's going to be a long day when you mistake a beer for a sprite at 10:30 in the morning while babysitting
Just talked to Laura, confirming that is my bra. Hope it goes well with the rest of your wall decorations.
Actually some of the best sex I've had involved a lot of laughing.
How small IS your cock?
I'm gonna drop in for a zip later man. It made me wanna eat my girls shampoo. Good shit
You tried to fight everyone, so we kept having her take her shirt off. You were sufficiently distracted...
Bone him for me, BONE HIM TWICE FOR ME.
I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...
CUM CAME OUT OF MY NOSE. MY SINUSES ARE ENTIRELY FUCKED UP NOW BC OF THE CUM TRAVELING IN PLACES IT SHOULD NOT HAVE.
I've spent so much time on tinder lately I just tried to left swipe an instagram photo of my neighbor
Saw my doctor at the bar. He bought me a drink. I think he was looking up my medical record on his phone because he suddenly had to go. syphilis continues to fuck with my life
If I shall die, I wish to bequeath to you my personal library, my sigma tau delta presidency and all it's apparel, and a puppy.
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