my brother is so whacked out on percocet from hurting his legs that he started crying because his belly button was so cute
And as you crawled into the bathroom last night you repeatedly said "I know the routine".
Before I dignify that with an answer, let me get this straight. You're asking me if I wiped my ass on the towels?
it's kind of slutty but what the hell, so are we
From the trajectory of the puke, I must have fallen off the top bunk while trying to vomit, due to the dented bucket, ruined carpet, and bruised dignity I now own.
No. I heard a cover of "my heart will go on". This is not sanity.
Can I just say I love that you have a kegorator on your wedding registry?
Please come and rip my uterus out before it does it itself
A valentines day commercial would come on while I'm masturbating...
Nothing worse then being at the gym on the elliptical next to a guy looking at porn on his phone
I'm sure you're still partially crippled from thar blow job on Saturday, so I understand it's probably difficult to text.
Stuck in the Minneapolis airport for 3 hours with an expense budget and a wine bar. This could get out of hand quickly.
It's okay. I think we're back on. I just went on a dog walk with him n blew him on a sidewalk
Yeah, everything was going great until the mugging.
just saw two mice fucking on our bed...i think its time to find a new place to live
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