He bought me ice cream and then I gave him a bj
I think that's fair trade off
i am pregamming alone in my car. scale of 1-10 how alcoholic is that
im pretty sure thats an 11
he was actually really polite. he asked before he came on my chest because he "wasn't sure my stance on it".
even iPhones love lady gaga. everytime I type haha it trys to correct it to gaga. this is bullshit...
It's amazing how much better one feels once you put something in your vagina.
im drinking italian dressing and watching dexter. its 230am. lets never drink on sundays again.
A DRUNK EMT IS BETTER THAN NO EMT!!!
Okay the common myth about putting tampons in you nostrils for a nose bleed is busted. It just starts coming out through your throat.
We got back from Mcdonalds and literally 5 minutes of being in your room, you wanted to go back because "We haven't been yet."
Just found an unopened tied g of coke on the floor in her room... she thinks the maintenance guy dropped it earlier today. This takes the cake for sketchiest apartment.
What are you doing? Because if it happens to be drinking, or even any activity that rhymes with "drinking", I'll be over in 5.
He thought my hair would soak it up. I HAD TO CUT IT OFF.
i've written a new chapter in the saga of unexpected dongs
Really stoned me is having a very serious, intent conversation with my mom about egg rolls and koolaid flavors.
Ick. That's not even the fun kind of punishment.
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